It's all about perspective...
The definition of perspective is a way of looking at or thinking about something...
This is something parents of preemies, especially those with delays, struggle with daily...at least I do. It's not something I am proud of. I want to see my daughter always as she is, but sometimes as I am in a restaurant, out on a stroll, or maybe in the park and I catch a glimpse, hear a comment, see a reaction and for a moment I see what they are seeing. They see a toddler having a tantrum usually, or not listening. I want to explain, almost apologize, but for what? My daughter not being what they think she should be? That is so not fair to Anna, and I won't lower myself to their perspective...and like that, I'm in Anna's world again. Sometimes it takes a little longer, sometimes I even ponder for the evening about it. But then I see what they don't see, they cannot see, my daughter the fighter, the miracle, the amazing personality she has growing and flourishing every day. I don't have to explain her past to them, I don't have to explain why she is 28 months old and drinking a bottle, or why she is not talking. Would they really care anyways? Would it change their opinion of her?
The thing is, I am so proud of her. How far she has come now. Sometimes I forget; I have to sit back, listen and get another persons perspective, a best friend maybe who only sees her twice a month, but because of that she can see what I cannot. My friend can see and remind me that we can sit and eat at a restaurant for an hour without having to rush out the door. Or friends who have never met her, but hear about her struggles and remind me of where she was just 6 months ago. Chris is good at reminding me too...sometimes I am just to close to see her changing everyday...Anna can go shopping or for long car rides. She can go for walks in her stroller. She can communicate some of her wants or needs to us.
Yet, back to Perspective because it means a lot in this world. We see ourselves through another persons eyes rather than our own. Or we see what they want us to see, what they see. Sometimes it can be a good thing, to build confidence or strengthen our self esteem...other times it can be hurtful and knock you down...so, maybe we need to see the world through Anna's eyes...maybe that is the perspective we are all missing here.
For example, we went out for a family dinner to Outback Steakhouse...No big deal. Just another restaurant for us. Immediately, Anna was distraught. She didn't want to sit, she was screaming and throwing things. The woman sitting next to me, gasped and even let out an "Oh, My!". and...my perspective changed. I saw my child as a difficult child, I saw what this woman saw, a child who wouldn't listen, was out of control...We gave Anna a break and took her outside. Except it didn't work, every time she returned to the inside, she fell apart again. So, I looked at my older daughter and we saw the restaurant through Anna's eyes...through the eyes of a child with Sensory Processing Disorder...and this time our perspective changed the right way, Anna's perspective.
So we thought about it...the restaurant was darker than most. It was very loud and crowded. There were TVs playing at the bar. Someone just dropped some silverware on the floor. The people at the next table got the bloomin onion, smell that aroma. Smells of steaks and seafood around. The bartender mixing with a blender or shaking drinks and we could hear the ice cubes...OH MY, Everything about this place screamed sensory overload...and my little girl was suffering because of it. My perspective was clear again, and now I wanted to just keep her safe and secure.
The woman next to me with the piercing glances only annoyed me now, I wanted to tell her about my daughter, but decided not to. This disorder is hard. It makes everything for Anna a struggle...from eating to talking. To just going out to eat or visiting a friend at their house. I want to hand out cards to people who stare and offer a quick judgement. I want to teach the world not to be so quick to judge...because behind the tears and frustration, is a loving, caring little girl. A little girl who is smart, and has a sense of humor. She has an energy most would envy. She is the most inquisitive, vivacious and courageous girl I know. I am so proud to be her mommy.
The thing is, I am so proud of her. How far she has come now. Sometimes I forget; I have to sit back, listen and get another persons perspective, a best friend maybe who only sees her twice a month, but because of that she can see what I cannot. My friend can see and remind me that we can sit and eat at a restaurant for an hour without having to rush out the door. Or friends who have never met her, but hear about her struggles and remind me of where she was just 6 months ago. Chris is good at reminding me too...sometimes I am just to close to see her changing everyday...Anna can go shopping or for long car rides. She can go for walks in her stroller. She can communicate some of her wants or needs to us.
Yet, back to Perspective because it means a lot in this world. We see ourselves through another persons eyes rather than our own. Or we see what they want us to see, what they see. Sometimes it can be a good thing, to build confidence or strengthen our self esteem...other times it can be hurtful and knock you down...so, maybe we need to see the world through Anna's eyes...maybe that is the perspective we are all missing here.
For example, we went out for a family dinner to Outback Steakhouse...No big deal. Just another restaurant for us. Immediately, Anna was distraught. She didn't want to sit, she was screaming and throwing things. The woman sitting next to me, gasped and even let out an "Oh, My!". and...my perspective changed. I saw my child as a difficult child, I saw what this woman saw, a child who wouldn't listen, was out of control...We gave Anna a break and took her outside. Except it didn't work, every time she returned to the inside, she fell apart again. So, I looked at my older daughter and we saw the restaurant through Anna's eyes...through the eyes of a child with Sensory Processing Disorder...and this time our perspective changed the right way, Anna's perspective.
So we thought about it...the restaurant was darker than most. It was very loud and crowded. There were TVs playing at the bar. Someone just dropped some silverware on the floor. The people at the next table got the bloomin onion, smell that aroma. Smells of steaks and seafood around. The bartender mixing with a blender or shaking drinks and we could hear the ice cubes...OH MY, Everything about this place screamed sensory overload...and my little girl was suffering because of it. My perspective was clear again, and now I wanted to just keep her safe and secure.
The woman next to me with the piercing glances only annoyed me now, I wanted to tell her about my daughter, but decided not to. This disorder is hard. It makes everything for Anna a struggle...from eating to talking. To just going out to eat or visiting a friend at their house. I want to hand out cards to people who stare and offer a quick judgement. I want to teach the world not to be so quick to judge...because behind the tears and frustration, is a loving, caring little girl. A little girl who is smart, and has a sense of humor. She has an energy most would envy. She is the most inquisitive, vivacious and courageous girl I know. I am so proud to be her mommy.